


Sàbhailte

by Iris_Dietrich



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Faith Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2018-12-07 10:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11621289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iris_Dietrich/pseuds/Iris_Dietrich
Summary: The title Sàbhailte means Faithful in Gaelic, this is a story about Claire dying and Faith surviving. How does Jamie cope? Will he accept the loss of Claire or try everything in his power to somehow undo it.





	1. Chapter 1

Jamie had been at the Bastille for roughly 3 months, during which time he had no way of knowing what had become of his sassenach or their bairn. It was far worse torture then any physical pain he ever had to bear. He wasn't sure if he would ever know, he had been sentenced to life behind bars for dueling, if he had actually succeeded in killing Randall he was sure they would have executed him. Every night he sees Claire's face and is plagued by her screams, he remembers the feeling of fighting to break free from officer's grasps and run to her out on that field but he always wakes up in a cold sweat, failing her over and over again, night after night.

A guard had come and escorted him to the captain-governor's office. He wasn't sure what this could be about but doubted it was anything good.

He stood in front of a large ornate desk waiting to be acknowledged. Head down green cap in hand. (Fun Fact: before french revolution in the 18th century prisoners were identified by the colors of there caps, green was for life sentences)

The Captain-Governor, Bernard-Rene de Launay, was tall, lean, and very weathered. He had a stone face that had seen many years and many battles.

Jamie was sure he had been standing in total silence for nearly an hour before he was acknowledged. The Governor was able to communicate his power and authority without uttering a single word and it was just as effective if not better than any other man of authority he had encountered who immediately were boastful and threatening.

Finally Launay decided to show Jamie some mercy and broke the silence, "I don't know who you know but they must have a very long reach." the man uttered.

Jamie wasn't sure what he meant. It must have shown from the look on his face because Launay went on to explain,

"Apparently your sentence has been commuted."

Jamie was shocked and looked to the guard by the door to see if he had heard the same.

"You will have to pay his majesty every cent you made since your arrival here and you are to be exiled, never to set foot on french soil again. You need to be on the first boat out tomorrow regardless of what destination the boat is heading to or you will be returned here to me here... at least your head will be."

Jamie nodded showing he understood but not daring to open his mouth a risk somehow undoing it all.

After some time he was escorted and thrown out into the back streets. Waiting there for him there was a woman, her back to him with the hood of her cape up.

"Claire?" He asked hopefully.

But when the figure turns around he finds it's not Clair but instead her excitable friend Louise.

"Mrs. La Tour," He spoke respectfully, "What are you doing here?" he asks but a flash of red begs him to look down and sees the bundle in her arms.

He feels his breath leave him, he was so afraid they had lost the child,

"Is that…" he started to ask.

"Your daughter," She answered for him.

"I have a daughter?" He asked feeling utterly blessed, his eyes watered as she moved forward and placed the babe in his arms.

"Faith Ellen Janet Claire Fraiser"

He kept grasping for words to express the wondrous joy and love that filled him but all fell short to capture how sublime it felt to hold his child in his arms. Arms that mere hours ago he thought would forever be weighed down in chains. He finds himself beyond words, she was such a tiny little thing but utterly perfect, she had his copper locks but Claire's beautiful eyes.

He didn't know how they had done it, how they had bargained his freedom but he would forever be in their debt.

"Where is Claire, is she refusing to see me?" He asked never taking his eyes off of Faith. He had assumed Louise was here because Claire was still too angry at him for going back on his word, he knew if he could just explain what had occurred with Furgus she would understand and they could be happy together finally as a family.

"She didn't…" Luise chokes back a sob that grabs Jamie's attention from the bairn, all of a sudden it was like the earth stopped spinning. Suddenly all warmth and life disappeared from his body, he felt cold, dead as her words registered with him as he begged God he was misunderstanding her.

"Mother Hildegarde made sure everything that could have been done was, but she was bleeding so much and labor wasn't progressing so Monsieur Forez thought it best to at least save the child, he performed an operation and was able to gather Faith from Claire's womb but nothing could be done to save her after that."

Claire was... was dead? That's what she was saying… his Claire, his wife, his Mo Nighean Donn was no more. Everything they had been through and this is how he loses her? It didn't seem right nor fair.

"We thought," Louise spoke again pulling him from his spiral, "your Cousin, Godfather, and I thought it was bad enough Faith would grow up without her mother, we didn't want her without you as well. We had to make several concessions and promise many favors but finally we were able to negotiate your freedom, but you must leave straight away."

**Jamie POV:

If Faith hadn't started to wiggle around I swear I would have forgotten she was even in my arms. I was experiencing a sort of out of body experience. Perhaps it was my soul trying to leave me and follow my Claire up to heaven but it wasn't my time yet, no matter if I had to be parted from my soul's true mate I had the product of our love in my arms and I needed to protect this life and honor our love, I owed it to the both of them, so I would be strong, somehow in some corner of my heart and mind I would find the strength to carry on and raise my daughter.

I leaned down and kissed her head, inhaling her scent I knew she had come to us straight from heaven, where her mother now was, she was a miracle, a gift from god, just as my sassenach had been. I did nothing to deserve either blessing but I swore on everything good still left in the world as well as the goodness waiting for us in the next that I would find a way to be worthy of the little girl in my arms.


	2. Anger/Denial/Bargaining/Depression... but never Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I havent written in a very long time, major case of writer block and life getting in the way i guess... so i may be a little rusty but here we go.

Jamie fell more in love with his daughter every day, it was a strange feeling to be grieving but filled with love at the same time. It made his head as tumultous as a ship braving a heavy storm. Thankfully the passage back to Scotland wasn't so bad and Fergus was there to help with wee Faith whenever Jamie had needed to void his guts. 

As much as he had missed Lallybroch he didn't feel the usual excitment about returning home as he had previously felt, everything felt wrong without Clair... empty.

Jamie had been going over their last months together in his head since he learned of her passing... and it angered and depressed him to think about all the ways he had failed her. He hadn't been the husband she had deserved since arriving in France.

He could blame it all on Randall and was sorely tempted to but some of the distance that had grown between him and Claire rested on no-one else's shoulders but his own.

He pushed her away, he could have simply communicated to her what the smell of lavender now did to him or how her hair brushing against his face made him freeze in trepidation but he kept it all inside refusing to give a voice to his fears and insecurities. Perhaps if he had just told her they might have worked through it together, faced it together as they had everything else.

But it was too late now, she had died while there was still the space between them and now all he wanted to do was find a way to cross that space and hold her close, never to let her go again even for a moment.

If only he could turn back time if only he could-

He stopped moving, the direction of his thoughts too startaling to do two activities at once.

There was in fact one way to bend time, now he just needed to learn how to bend it to his will.


	3. Druids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another short one sorry, the next will be longer i promise

Jamie had been traveling throughout Scotland and Ireland for 2 years now since returning from France, he never stayed in one place too long, much to Jenny's ire. But he couldn't stop, he was searching for druids, powerful druids who could help him find his way back to Claire.

Fergus, Faith, and Jamie had recently arrived in Wales, Anglesey to be specific. 

During the night Fergus approached Jamie...

"What is it lad?"

"My Lord, forgive me but how much longer will we continue on like this, it isn't good for the bebe... I admit I also tire. I know you miss milady, I do as well but surely she would not want us carrying on like this."

Jamies sighed warily, truth be told he was tired as well.

"There are 5 more Druid clans here, I must seek them out... if none can give meh what I seek, I shall take ye and the lassie back to Lallybroch."

Fergus was quiet for a moment, "and you will join us there right, Milord?"

Jamie couldn't answer but gave Fergus a nod.

As Fergus and his wee daughter slept that night Jamie thought back to everything he had learned the past two years...

There was a great many druid he had come across but all were so different from each other making it challenging to know who had the right beliefs the ones that would be of use to him.

The few things most had in common tho were a belief that nature would provide the nourishment needed to see you on your spiritual path, Jamie had certainly spent quite an amount of time in nature these last years so he was good on that. Also the belief in something called "the Otherworld." It was a realm that existed beyond the physical, a place all could travel to and visit without having to die.

Jamie had been practicing meditation he learned from one group of Druids... they called it "journeying," every so often he would even catch a gilmpse of his Claire.

Once she was in a window furiously trying to brush out her hair, he stared at her for as long as he could until Randal had found his way into the realm as well, which made Jamie quick to leave.

Jamie knew Fergus was right this wasn't the life his daughter deserved, she should be setteled with family not always on the move chasing druids and faeries. 

There where 5 more clans he needed to seek out, the Ordavices, Deceanglis, Cornoviis, Demetaes, and the Silures.

After that he would return the children to Jenny's care... he just prayed he'd had enough strength to stay with them and be the father they deserved, but he didn't know what kind of man he would be if all hope was to leave him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case it was too subtle the "journeying" explains Jamie's ghost in the first episode.


End file.
